Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
