trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
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