I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Randomize
