I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
