I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
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