Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Randomize
