At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Randomize
