What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
