Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
