Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Randomize
