I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Randomize
