i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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