what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
