In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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