my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Randomize
