Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize
