I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
