Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
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