I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
