Kareoke will never be a sober sport
All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Randomize
