i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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