I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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