He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
