Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
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