Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
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