Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
you told grandpa to call you daddy
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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