Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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