You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Who died my cat blue again?
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Randomize
