Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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