Ketchup is God's man juice
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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