my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
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