She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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