OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
