i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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