omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
