I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize
