I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
