I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize