He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
