I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
