last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
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