are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Randomize
