dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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