So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
