What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
