you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
