i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Randomize
