I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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