your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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