Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I'm jealous of your bromance
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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