I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
