I wanna bring you to show and tell
just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Randomize
