No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
