They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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