i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Randomize
