i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
