It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
So apparently I’m into choking now
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