I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
