she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Randomize
