No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Randomize
