The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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