Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
