I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
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