i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
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