he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Randomize
