I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Randomize
