I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
