I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
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