Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Floor bacon is actually really good
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
