noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
