some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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