You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
She needs sedatives and a leash
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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