just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I think I sprained my soul last night
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
