I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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